Learning how to let go of someone you love is hard. We all know that. But. Letting go and moving on is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.
Letting go of someone you love, and the pain of a broken heart can stop you dead in your tracks. You feel as though you’ve lost a part of you. Your identity. Your purpose. Your life will be uncertain.
You know you have to, but you don’t know how to let go of someone you love emotionally.
Most advice out there tells you to fill the void with distractions. Cut the person out of your life completely. Pick up a hobby. Or. Hang out with friends.
All good advice. But not the real, behind-the-scenes grit it takes to overcome, and, let go once and for all. The reason you’re struggling is much deeper than you realize.
The good news is there is a healthy way to conquer this devastating blow to your emotional well-being.
I will help you discover underlying issues that may be keeping you stuck. I will help you take baby steps — baby steps to lasting change. To healing. And. To increasing confidence to finally move on.
One of the first steps is understanding the real reason letting go and moving on is so hard.
Why Letting Go and Moving on Is So Hard
Well, you’re not temporarily insane, but you’re not thinking clearly.
Our brains produce a chemical response to love. Did you know this?
The stress hormone, Cortisol, increases when we first fall in love triggering a crisis response. The increase in Cortisol causes Serotonin to decrease.
And. A lower level of Serotonin is common in people with obsessive-compulsive disorders.All of us have been obsessive and compulsive in a new relationship at some point.
Did you also know that the chemical Dopamine is our brain’s reward response? When you are in love, Dopamine kicks into high gear creating a euphoric response which makes love pleasurable.
You’re giddy. Your heart pounds. The feelings of excitement and uncertainty have your emotions bouncing like a ball in a pinball machine.
The point is, you can’t help yourself — your body was designed for connection and feelings of emotional attachment.
Our brain’s chemical reaction to love clouds our judgment. You’ve heard the old saying, ‘love is blind.’ Well, that’s chemically accurate.
We are ‘blind’ to signs of problems when it comes to relationships.
We are often unable to make fair judgments about our partner’s behaviors. Let alone our own. And. Our own beliefs about relationships cause us to cling to those chemically charged feelings of love. Even if it’s toxic.
Our inability to let go can have a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves and our childhood experiences with love.
When you don’t see yourself as worthy of love, you try to make up for those feelings of worthlessness by putting that responsibility on your partner.
Before long, your partner becomes part of your identity.
Your identity and your purpose intertwine with the person you love. Sometimes to the point that you don’t even remember who you are. And, maybe you never really did.
It’s no wonder we struggle with how to let someone go emotionally.
But it IS possible to let go of someone you love and move on if you take baby steps. Here’s how.
Letting Go of Someone You Love: Baby Steps to Finding ‘You’ Again
You’re conflicted. You are shaken to the core. You don’t think you can let go of the very thing that you thought was the source of your happiness and identity. But, you can!
Taking baby steps is the key to finally letting go. Baby steps are more manageable and help you make changes a little at a time, so it’s not so overwhelming.
Over time, you’ll feel normal again. However, you need a few tools in your toolbox to get you there.
Here are a few steps you can start taking today to feel better. To get over the relationship that’s holding you captive. And. To finally repair your belief system about love.
Step 1:Engage in Therapy
Maybe you need a little help. It’s okay.
We all need a little help sometimes. Don’t be afraid when the feelings of being overwhelmed and depressed are more than you can handle.
Therapy can help you get through the roughest parts of moving on when you feel like you can’t do it on your own.
Step 2: Learn How to Breathe Correctly
Lack of oxygen from not breathing correctly actually aids in keeping you stuck. When you are stressed or hurting, you tend to breathe from the top of your lungs, only producing shallow breaths.
Correct breathing helps provide more oxygen to your brain and enables you to think more clearly. Breathing exercises will help you manage your stress and calm your nerves so you can become centered and focused, more quickly.
Train yourself to breathe from your belly. Learn how to do correct breathing. See how here: The Ultimate Guide To Letting Go And Moving On (In 2019)
The other main reason for learning correct breathing is that this exercise will change how you respond to stress. When you learn how to respond to stress differently you will begin to get back in control of your life. And. That is precisely what you need to do when you are trying to let go of someone you love and move on.
Step 3: Emotional Release: Write It Down and Let Go
Write a letter to the person that’s the source of your pain. Write down all the feelings you have about this person, your relationship, and all the reasons you need to let go and move on with your life.
DON’T send a letter to this person. Burn it, flush it down the toilet, throw it away. Just take action to release your thoughts on paper and rid them from your life. You will be amazed at how much better you’ll feel.
It’s vital to continue journaling your thoughts and allowing yourself to feel the pain. Your thoughts about this person are creating the negative feelings you are experiencing.
Until you understand what thoughts are triggering your emotions, you won’t have a roadmap that leads you to the freedom of letting go and moving on.
The process of analyzing your emotions and the thoughts that trigger them is where you truly begin to learn from what you just experienced.
Write down what you’re thinking. Spend time analyzing how the thoughts you’re having about your relationship is making you feel. Ask yourself these questions:
- What do I notice?
- What triggers my negative emotions?
- What patterns do I see?
So, getting these thoughts out and making them conscious helps you release them more easily.
Step 4: Increase Self-Care: Improve Your Health
Neglecting your health is when you can get into real trouble. That’s when being stuck and not letting go of someone you love makes you physically and emotionally sick.
Do something for you! For your physical health! For your emotional wellbeing!
- Get a massage
- Start a yoga class
- Take daily walks
- Begin a meditation regimen
- Dive more deeply into your faith
- Pray
We often feel guilty when we do things for ourselves. The reality is that if we aren’t healthy and don’t take good care of ourselves, we won’t be able to engage in a healthy relationship with anyone.
When we experience a breakup, we stop doing things we enjoy. We withdraw into a cocoon of depression. Life comes to a standstill.
The best thing you can do is force yourself to engage. Get busy doing activities that improve your health and well-being.
The positive feeling of being healthy improves everything else in our lives.
Step 5: Create Distance Between You and This Person
We’ve all been there. We cling to the familiar, the past, the place where we used to feel safety, love, esteem.
It’s almost impossible to get away from someone these days with social media. However, you must cut this person out of your social network.
The constant reminder of that person keeps you in a vicious cycle of pain, regret, hope, and questioning why.
You’ve heard the saying, ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder.’ Distance also helps the heart and mind heal.
Distance gives you time to process what has happened.
Distance gives your brain a break. It helps you pick up the pieces and start putting your life back together again.
Step 6: Allow Yourself to Grieve
Losing someone you love because of a breakup is akin to losing someone that has died. Your feelings of loss are real, and you need to allow yourself to grieve.
Let yourself feel the pain and give yourself time to process the loss.
The grieving process is different for each person. You need to tune into your feelings, observe your thinking, and take steps to comfort yourself healthily.
Self-care is essential during the grieving process. It’s also a good idea to find someone you can confide in, like a friend, family member, or therapist.
The point is to pay attention to this vital step.
Step 7: Engage in Group Activities and Time with Friends
You don’t have to go through the process of letting go alone. Find a group activity you enjoy or start a hobby.
If you like to garden, join a garden club. If you enjoy reading, join a book club. Volunteer to help an organization that provides a service you’re passionate about.
Do something creative like woodworking, drawing, painting, gardening, anything that gives you a creative outlet.
Hang out with friends you enjoy being with. Take a trip you’ve always wanted to take.
One of the best creative activities you can do, is singing. This allows you to connect with your true voice and express yourself more fully. Freeing your voice is a major key to healing the body/mind.
The point is getting out and living life. Be with people and engage in things that help you focus on others. Do activities that bring joy and fulfillment to your life.
Benefits of Letting Go and Moving On
Understanding the benefits of letting go and moving on motivates you.
When you conquer letting go with baby steps, the small gains turn into significant benefits. Before you know it, you are smiling again.
You will be able to forgive and move on. You will no longer be trapped in the grudge that has kept you in an unhealthy state of mind.
You become a better version of yourself each time you overcome obstacles. Every change that happens in your life helps you grow. You become a better version of you!
You will also:
- Become more present
- Have more energy
- Think more clearly
- Feel more positive
- Feel more in control
You will be able to take your life back on your terms and in your timeframe.
You will be a healthier, happier version of your former self. You will be able to celebrate all the lessons you’ve learned from the relationship. And. You will be FREE.
You will be free from the circumstances in your life that are preventing you from letting go in the first place.
Move Forward, Move On – Change Your Story Today!
Can you imagine feeling the relief of letting go and moving on?
Can you imagine your story changing today? You are just one decision, and a few baby steps away from freedom.
Each baby step works together to create a healthy path to healing.
It’s going to take time to heal. However, you now have the tools you need to start moving forward now.
You understand why it has been so hard to let go of the relationship that’s held you captive. You know you deserve better. And. You’re ready to love yourself through the pain.
Even if you only conquer loving yourself again or for the first time, you’ve taken a step in the right direction.
So, it’s up to you to take action. No, it won’t be easy. But you’ve got this. You can let go of someone you love and move on. You are stronger, wiser, and ready for a healthier, happier you.
If you enjoyed this article do leave a comment below.
You have your best life to live. Take that first step today! Blessings.
Although I run this blog site, my aim is for this to become a place where readers can make suggestions about potential topics on increasing wellbeing and improving wellness. What you want to read about. It's not about me. It's about us.